Surviving the Distance Part 1
I just have to say, I'm getting a few e-mails from my readers and it's a very bizarre moment for me to realize I'm openly writing about the craziest thing I've ever decided to do with my life and receive e-mails from other people in similar situations. I greatly enjoy talking to others in situations like mine! It's very hopeful and relieving! I understand when people read blogs like mine, this is the sort of thing they're looking for. I've purposely made this particular blog extremely personal just for this matter.
I guess I'll have to start off by saying I would never jump out of a plane without a parachute. I've done research on Norway and have spent countless hours talking to Arild. Being a high-anxiety person in general, I think this is a crazy crazy thing to do, but I am so happy and so excited to be able to experience this! I'm often asked if I'm scared doing this. I'm not. Not at all. I'm scared of falling off the bed in my sleep, I'm scared to microwave food in plastic containers, I'm scared of frogs, I'm scared to drink uninfiltrated tap water, I'm scared of getting sick, I'm scared of making bad grades or gaining my weight back again. I'm not scared at all to move away from my family, quit my job, sell everything I own and move into another country where I don't know the language fluently and begin a life there. I'm genuinely content. :-)
We live 4200 miles and 6 time zones away, but we've made this work and we've journeyed from pen pals to marriage. I don't think of this as romantic at all, but just a bunch of randomness that came crashing our way. I've noticed a lot of women especially that have this Hollywood-inspired mindset of a foreign romantic man far far away who basically sweeps them off their feet.There are A LOT of movies about this. Leapyear, French Kiss, Kate and Leopold, P.S. I Love You, etc. The truth is, I can't picture Arild as a foreigner at all. I can barely grasp the concept that in his daily life he speaks another language I barely understand, he uses the metric system, he eats potato this and potato that and he thinks 55 degrees (13 degrees Celsius) is a good temperature. I can't even begin to imagine him as romantic and if he were, I'd be down right skeptical of his intentions.
Our Story
We met almost 2 years ago. Our entire relationship has been based on a series of random events. I have always wanted a pen pal and well, more or less just a friend I can talk about this and that with and share culture. So, one day I decided I was actually going to look for a pen pal. I made my profile without knowing I'd be marrying a sweet Norwegian man who made his international pen pal profile only 2 days after me. I was interested in talking to girls my age from the UK and France. I've always been interested in Europe and figured if I were to ever visit Europe, it would be one of those places. I also thought it would be interesting to talk with someone who comes from a country as my ancestry. (I think there will be another blog about this as a culture difference!) Soon after making my profile, I sent some e-mails to interesting sounding college students. Some didn't reply, some did, some I talked with for quite some time and some we had nothing to talk about at all. Out of people trying to contact me, there was a 20-somethings man from Ghana, but that quickly went over due to the nature of the things he had to talk about. The next person who contacted me was a 27 year old very polite Norwegian man who genuinely wanted to talk to someone from America. I love his first e-mail to me:
"Kentucky Fried Chicken! That's basically all I know about Kentucky other than it's somewhere in the middle of the USA! I'd love to learn more! I saw your profile on international pen pals and figured I'd get in touch. My profile name there is ___ and I'm a 27 year old guy from Norway.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Regards,
Arild. "
And that's how it began. I've spoken to him everyday since. Whether it be through messenger, e-mails, Skype, showing our day in pictures, etc.
We went from pen pals to friends in a matter of a few weeks. He told me his interest in picking an American was because it just felt like a natural thing to do. He said he knew speaking to an American would be a bit different, but at the same time there would be a lot of common ground room for conversation since the culture is similar. I remember a common thing we used to tell each other in the "friend stage" was, "Well, it's not like we're ever going to meet each other!"
There was an instance between the friend stage and the relationship stage before I realized I was interested in him. He was sick with flu and away for 4-5 days. I really thought he just ignored me, so I sent a message and waited a day. No reply. He wasn't online, so I had no idea what happened to him. I waited another day. No reply. Another day. No reply. I finally decided the pen pal friendship ended like we thought it would as we kept telling one another one day we'll run out of things to talk about because that's just how pen pals are. I assumed that was our dooms day. Finally, I wake up one morning and I have a super long e-mail from him! The beginning of my next e-mail to him started out with, "ARILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and a crazy amount of exclamation points!
After talking to Arild for quite some time, I was beginning to think he was gay. Now, okay! Let me explain! He never really said anything to make me think that. Not at all! It's what he DIDN'T say that made me think that. I kept thinking to myself, "Okay, This is an amazing person who I've been talking to for a while now and he's always been very nice and polite. Never one dirty joke, no crude comment, nothing. What's wrong with this guy? Hmmm.... he must be gay." That was my assumption until I decided to test him one day. I didn't want to come out and ask him. We were beginning to be good friends at this stage! I brought up asking him questions about relationships. I wanted to know his history and his general point of view. To my surprise he said, "I've never really been in a relationship, but I think I'd be great at being in one if I ever found the right person." He explained he didn't really see the point in wasting time in a relationship if it wasn't with the right person, he also explained to me his extreme shyness and introvert behavior. This conversation was a breakthrough and we would very soon be in the next stage.
After more time passing by, I realized I liked him. At this point I didn't know what I was thinking! I just knew I was getting very attached to him very quickly, I was always thinking about him, I loved the weirdness we shared with how much we have in common. After talking with our first few conversations and realizing we think and feel (with the exception he's more logical and I'm more emotional on topics) the exact same way about life goals, politics, religion, music, hobbies, common interests, etc. we decided to play a game with our similarities. We would think of a question and say it, then we'd have to answer at the same time. For example something simple, "On the count of three... what's your favorite ice cream flavor?"
And like that stereotypical annoying couple, we began and still do say the same thing at exactly the same time or we'll say what the other is thinking.
When I decided to tell him, well, it was bad timing to say the least, but it was a Monday night for him and Monday afternoon for me. He was in the middle of doing a radio show which he used to do on Monday nights. I messaged him saying, "I have something important I need to tell you." and I told him. He was clueless! Really!?!?! All that time and he had no idea I liked him!!!! He was so clueless, he said he totally ruined the radio show and suddenly went quiet on air, so he quickly had to pick some music to play the rest of the show!
As time went on, I began to get a bit scared with how things were going. I realized I was already falling in love with him and this scared me. I wanted to completely let myself go and not hold up any emotional guard, but it was difficult for me to allow myself to do that. The thoughts and fear of leaving my family behind scared me tremendously. The thought of just telling them was horrible enough. I did what I thought would be best and I started to withdrawal from Arild. I still talked to him everyday, but I avoided certain topics and I eventually told him I thought it would be best if we never met and we just remained friends. I knew this crushed him, but he told me he'll always be there for me when I need him and if I need time to think and let everything to sink in he'd give me all the space I needed. And he did. I put myself in a bubble and thought this over. I thought about if I were in a potential future relationship and how I'd have to have a disclaimer that says in big bold letters. "PEN PAL INCLUDED!!!" if I were to have dated someone else, I could have never given up talking to Arild and have him as a friend and I also thought of how it would be so so so much easier to hurt someone right in front of me than it is to hurt this one person 4200 miles away. I realized it was just crazy to give up on him. After sorting through my own thoughts for a few weeks, I decided to completely let go... of that emotional guard. :-)
To be continued......
Surviving the Distance Part 2
Surviving the Distance Part 3
Surviving the Distance Part 4
I guess I'll have to start off by saying I would never jump out of a plane without a parachute. I've done research on Norway and have spent countless hours talking to Arild. Being a high-anxiety person in general, I think this is a crazy crazy thing to do, but I am so happy and so excited to be able to experience this! I'm often asked if I'm scared doing this. I'm not. Not at all. I'm scared of falling off the bed in my sleep, I'm scared to microwave food in plastic containers, I'm scared of frogs, I'm scared to drink uninfiltrated tap water, I'm scared of getting sick, I'm scared of making bad grades or gaining my weight back again. I'm not scared at all to move away from my family, quit my job, sell everything I own and move into another country where I don't know the language fluently and begin a life there. I'm genuinely content. :-)
We live 4200 miles and 6 time zones away, but we've made this work and we've journeyed from pen pals to marriage. I don't think of this as romantic at all, but just a bunch of randomness that came crashing our way. I've noticed a lot of women especially that have this Hollywood-inspired mindset of a foreign romantic man far far away who basically sweeps them off their feet.There are A LOT of movies about this. Leapyear, French Kiss, Kate and Leopold, P.S. I Love You, etc. The truth is, I can't picture Arild as a foreigner at all. I can barely grasp the concept that in his daily life he speaks another language I barely understand, he uses the metric system, he eats potato this and potato that and he thinks 55 degrees (13 degrees Celsius) is a good temperature. I can't even begin to imagine him as romantic and if he were, I'd be down right skeptical of his intentions.
Our Story
We met almost 2 years ago. Our entire relationship has been based on a series of random events. I have always wanted a pen pal and well, more or less just a friend I can talk about this and that with and share culture. So, one day I decided I was actually going to look for a pen pal. I made my profile without knowing I'd be marrying a sweet Norwegian man who made his international pen pal profile only 2 days after me. I was interested in talking to girls my age from the UK and France. I've always been interested in Europe and figured if I were to ever visit Europe, it would be one of those places. I also thought it would be interesting to talk with someone who comes from a country as my ancestry. (I think there will be another blog about this as a culture difference!) Soon after making my profile, I sent some e-mails to interesting sounding college students. Some didn't reply, some did, some I talked with for quite some time and some we had nothing to talk about at all. Out of people trying to contact me, there was a 20-somethings man from Ghana, but that quickly went over due to the nature of the things he had to talk about. The next person who contacted me was a 27 year old very polite Norwegian man who genuinely wanted to talk to someone from America. I love his first e-mail to me:
"Kentucky Fried Chicken! That's basically all I know about Kentucky other than it's somewhere in the middle of the USA! I'd love to learn more! I saw your profile on international pen pals and figured I'd get in touch. My profile name there is ___ and I'm a 27 year old guy from Norway.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Regards,
Arild. "
And that's how it began. I've spoken to him everyday since. Whether it be through messenger, e-mails, Skype, showing our day in pictures, etc.
We went from pen pals to friends in a matter of a few weeks. He told me his interest in picking an American was because it just felt like a natural thing to do. He said he knew speaking to an American would be a bit different, but at the same time there would be a lot of common ground room for conversation since the culture is similar. I remember a common thing we used to tell each other in the "friend stage" was, "Well, it's not like we're ever going to meet each other!"
There was an instance between the friend stage and the relationship stage before I realized I was interested in him. He was sick with flu and away for 4-5 days. I really thought he just ignored me, so I sent a message and waited a day. No reply. He wasn't online, so I had no idea what happened to him. I waited another day. No reply. Another day. No reply. I finally decided the pen pal friendship ended like we thought it would as we kept telling one another one day we'll run out of things to talk about because that's just how pen pals are. I assumed that was our dooms day. Finally, I wake up one morning and I have a super long e-mail from him! The beginning of my next e-mail to him started out with, "ARILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and a crazy amount of exclamation points!
After talking to Arild for quite some time, I was beginning to think he was gay. Now, okay! Let me explain! He never really said anything to make me think that. Not at all! It's what he DIDN'T say that made me think that. I kept thinking to myself, "Okay, This is an amazing person who I've been talking to for a while now and he's always been very nice and polite. Never one dirty joke, no crude comment, nothing. What's wrong with this guy? Hmmm.... he must be gay." That was my assumption until I decided to test him one day. I didn't want to come out and ask him. We were beginning to be good friends at this stage! I brought up asking him questions about relationships. I wanted to know his history and his general point of view. To my surprise he said, "I've never really been in a relationship, but I think I'd be great at being in one if I ever found the right person." He explained he didn't really see the point in wasting time in a relationship if it wasn't with the right person, he also explained to me his extreme shyness and introvert behavior. This conversation was a breakthrough and we would very soon be in the next stage.
After more time passing by, I realized I liked him. At this point I didn't know what I was thinking! I just knew I was getting very attached to him very quickly, I was always thinking about him, I loved the weirdness we shared with how much we have in common. After talking with our first few conversations and realizing we think and feel (with the exception he's more logical and I'm more emotional on topics) the exact same way about life goals, politics, religion, music, hobbies, common interests, etc. we decided to play a game with our similarities. We would think of a question and say it, then we'd have to answer at the same time. For example something simple, "On the count of three... what's your favorite ice cream flavor?"
And like that stereotypical annoying couple, we began and still do say the same thing at exactly the same time or we'll say what the other is thinking.
When I decided to tell him, well, it was bad timing to say the least, but it was a Monday night for him and Monday afternoon for me. He was in the middle of doing a radio show which he used to do on Monday nights. I messaged him saying, "I have something important I need to tell you." and I told him. He was clueless! Really!?!?! All that time and he had no idea I liked him!!!! He was so clueless, he said he totally ruined the radio show and suddenly went quiet on air, so he quickly had to pick some music to play the rest of the show!
As time went on, I began to get a bit scared with how things were going. I realized I was already falling in love with him and this scared me. I wanted to completely let myself go and not hold up any emotional guard, but it was difficult for me to allow myself to do that. The thoughts and fear of leaving my family behind scared me tremendously. The thought of just telling them was horrible enough. I did what I thought would be best and I started to withdrawal from Arild. I still talked to him everyday, but I avoided certain topics and I eventually told him I thought it would be best if we never met and we just remained friends. I knew this crushed him, but he told me he'll always be there for me when I need him and if I need time to think and let everything to sink in he'd give me all the space I needed. And he did. I put myself in a bubble and thought this over. I thought about if I were in a potential future relationship and how I'd have to have a disclaimer that says in big bold letters. "PEN PAL INCLUDED!!!" if I were to have dated someone else, I could have never given up talking to Arild and have him as a friend and I also thought of how it would be so so so much easier to hurt someone right in front of me than it is to hurt this one person 4200 miles away. I realized it was just crazy to give up on him. After sorting through my own thoughts for a few weeks, I decided to completely let go... of that emotional guard. :-)
To be continued......
Surviving the Distance Part 2
Surviving the Distance Part 3
Surviving the Distance Part 4
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